A Walk to Canossa and
a French Revolutionary Calendar

During the Investiture Controversy, Henry IV (Holy Roman Emperor) and Gregory VII (Pope) got into a fight because they just couldn't agree on who had the right to appoint bishops. The Pope continually tried to reform the process so that he would be the only one with that power. Finally, in 1076, Henry sent the Pope this nasty letter and declared him no longer pope. What did Gregory do? He excommunicated him. And he gave him a year to repent, otherwise the excommunication would be permanent.

Unfortunately for Henry, this was a time of upheaval for his empire; the lords beneath him might or mightn't have been planning rebellion. Ultimately he decided that he would have to reverse the excommunication, so he arranged to meet the pope in Augsburg and began traveling south from Germany. Meanwhile, the pope was afraid that Henry might try to depose him by force, so he finally found someone (Mathilda, Countess of Tuscany) who offered him the protection of the fortress of Canossa.

Henry made it across the Alps and arrived at Canossa on January 25, 1077. (Some say he went barefoot and wearing a cilice.) Gregory decided to make him wait outside for three days. But finally, he let him into the fortress, Henry begged for forgiveness, they had communion together, and everything was good.

The irony? Soon enough, Gregory was fed up and he excommunicated Henry a second time. Henry invaded Rome, scared Gregory away, and installed the Antipope Clement III. And that was the end of Pope Gregory VII.

During the French Revolution, the revolutionaries decided that they needed a new calendar. This calendar lasted from late 1793 to 1805 - about 12 years. Yes, it's rather unremarkable to create a new calendar (it's been done countless times), but these folks got a little obsessive with their overhaul. A French Republican year has 12 months (each named), 30 days each (separated into 3 decades/weeks), and everything imaginable has been named and categorized! Let's outline it for you:

• The Months:
  • Autumn: Vendemiaire, Brumaire, Frimaire ("grape harvest," "fog," "frost")
  • Winter: Nivose, Pluviose, Ventose ("snowy," "rainy," "windy")
  • Spring: Germinal, Floreal, Prairial ("germination," "flower," "pasture")
  • Summer: Messidor, Thermidor, Fructidor ("harvest," "summer heat," "fruit")
  • the English mockery: Wheezy, Sneezy and Freezy; Slippy, Drippy and Nippy; Showery, Flowery and Bowery; Wheaty, Heaty and Sweety
• It gets worse: Days of the Year: instead of each day having a saint (the French revolutionaries were out to kill religion), they assigned each day an animal, a tool, or a plant/mineral.
  • Today, December 25 is the day of Chien (Dog). The 27th of Nivose is the day of Plomb (Lead). The 15th of Brumaire is Dindon (Turkey). Carrot, Parsnip, Celery, Cork, Roller, Cow, Granite, Tin, etc etc! You can find the entire chart here.
• Time: If they bothered to change everything else, why not go ahead and change the clocks? Well, they did.
  • 10 decimal hours in a day, 100 decimal minutes in an hour, 100 decimal seconds in a minute
  • 1 decimal second = 0.864 seconds
  • 1 decimal minute = 1 minute 26.4 seconds
  • 1 decimal hour = 2 hours 24 minutes
  • I wonder who actually used the system? Can you imagine a watch for this?

So you see, it was all one elaborate, risible, short-lived, crazy experiment. (PS: It was revived for 18 days in 1871 in Paris!)