Unless otherwise noted, all contents of the Ughy Club were created by and belong to Jules and Stellaciel Blue since 2008. Yeah.
prepared and interviewed by Jules |
Editor's note: Unsuspecting readers may wish to learn the standard definition of "god complex" before viewing the following profile, due to the liberties JEFUS has taken in redefining the term. JEFUS the Almighty *cough* would like to speak for himself, because he feels that a lowly mortal human like me would not do him justice. I have agreed only in exchange for a big bag of Lindt truffles. I'm sure you'll understand the level of temptation I was faced with. –Jules |
| the Profile: | |
|---|---|
| Age: | I created the universe. You think I could put a number on that? Self, I only got a 24 on my math ACT... |
| Height: | Taller than your golden calf, I assure you. |
| Height when sleeping: | Same! (I bet your golden calf sleeps lying down, doesn't she? Pah! Weakling!) |
| Nationality: | I am not restricted to such petty things as nationalities! (But my ma was one of those exotic transfers from Africa; my dad was born into captivity in NYC.) |
| Exclamation of Choice: | I say “Oh my Self” instead of “Oh my God.” Because it’s SO irritating when people talk about themselves in the third-person, and I’m not hypocrite. |
| Location of African hideout: | There's this watering hole, I think it's pretty "under the radar," but man, you should see those dancing manatees...you'll never go back to those cheap flamingos again, oh my Self. Delicious. AHEM. |
| First met Martin Luther: | 'Twas February 18, 1546. He had this whole "praise God" thing, so I decided to pop on down and say hello. I introduced myself as Jefus, expecting him to bow down, and instead he just kind of turned all white and keeled over. That was the day I truly knew I had reached the full extent of my divinity. He couldn’t wait to be with me and my snazzy godliness. |
| Opinion of rats: | They're actually the first species I convinced of my Supreme Ruler-iness. Therefore, they are my most exalted minions, though I find them kind of oogey so I plan on locking them up like the Titans from Hercules once I get around to it. |
| Favorite acronym and its antonym: | Acronym: JTA. Antonym of JTA: Beelzebub The Insignificant. |
| Favorite opera to see at the San Carlo: | JEFUS, OUR GOD. It's still being optioned at this point in time, but I'm confident it'll go far. |
| Cherries v. brown eyeshadow: | As Supreme Ruler of the Universe, I can make cherries brown and eyeshadow cherry. Take that, stupid question! |
| Schecter Poultry v. the United States: | *snorts* What kind of name is “Schecter Poultry”? Guffaw, guffaw! I mean, come on. Schecter reminds me of recter which makes me think of rectum! HIS NAME IS POULTRY RECTUM! Guffaw, guffaw! |
| Garveyism without Garvey is: | Boring, compared to Jefusism! |
| Al Gore + JEFUS: | The Universe’s dream team, yo. It’s like, hot damn, conquering Global Warming and Beelzebub? |
| Best place for him to find a local Starbucks: | I’m not gonna lie. Not even I can beat Google Earth. |
| His personal torment: | Knowing that some people out there—not many, but some—have not yet accepted me into their hearts. And knowing that they’ll burn because of it. It really…*sniffles*…it really gets to a guy, you know? *blows nose* But I’m writing my Bible, titled JEFUS, SUPREME RULER OF THE UNIVERSE with the subtext BOW DOWN OR BURN, so hopefully that’ll elicit some followers. *happy giraffe grin* |
